Mir Saleem Arif's Love Story
My Life (REHANA)
"Every man has been searching for his missing rib, only when you find a woman of your life, you'll no longer feel the lingering ache in your heart"
It was lovely evening of November 2, 1992, our neighbor’s daughter wedding party we locally called it here Mehdiraat. The guest begun arriving friends, relatives, young and adults but most them are girls who are singing through the night, a happy celebration and we are also invited to witnessed that event. I was seated in one of the corners just watching and eyeing some beautiful faces and I had seen several young ladies who appealed to me but I was enchanted by a dazzling beautiful girl who was quietly sitting alone that time and I was really mesmerized by her beauty that I couldn’t laid off my eyes on her. As if I was in a fairy land with the fairy God Mother and I forgot everything around me. She has long dark hair was woven into loose bun. She was elegant and graceful and she's so sweet and innocent in her young age of eleven (11). Love at first sight, indeed. We exchanged glances over and over till the next morning. I couldn’t resist not knowing her name I called my cousin to introduce me to her and that was the time I knew REHANA, her name alone described who she is - a sweet smelling plant and it was like I’m the bee sipping nectars from that plant. I was sixteen (16) that time but I knew with certainty that I love this girl, that I couldn’t live without her- I never hesitated to seize an opportunity to proposed her right away. I know she liked that but in vague to accept because her parents are so strict besides we are too young to indulged with such relationship and her examinations is fast approaching and she need to think it over. I assured her that I can wait for her and she promised me she could accept my proposal if I can wait for two (02) years more. Within that year I can see her when she used to go school. The next two years flew by, almost too fast for me and time to know her verdict for my unending proposal to her. She met me and we’ve talk and I couldn’t forget that momentous date for me, (22 Jan 1995) I was really in high spirit, it seemed I was lifted in the air to the sky for my happiness that Rehana accepted me as her boyfriend officially. We used to meet once in four (04) months in a clandestine way because her parents don’t allow her out and with our tradition. It seemed I always hovering somewhere nearby their house and watching over her as she is waiting for me at their doorstep and we glared at each other. We sufficed ourselves being like that because we don’t want her family member knew it and an irony for me, my family knew her and how much I love her. It was in her 12th class in school that she used to go to her teacher for her tutor class. That was also the time when Kashmir was devastated by terrorism, 1996. We used to exchange love letters in code that nobody can decode on what was written in that letter. We used someone as our bearer to transport our letters. I knew deep inside that someone knew what was it all about but he keep his tongue tied. Before her final exam on her 12th class I gave her a pen as my gift. She used it in her study and she always sat staring into space and to that pen for a long time rather than to her notes. (Her brother and his friend noticed it but didn’t give much attention to). She was really head over heels in love with me and even can’t think straight any more, she was really depressed because she knew very well that her parent couldn’t accept our relationship that gave her heartache coz we couldn’t showed to the whole world how much we love and care with each other and that made her so sick. It made her brother and his friend so worried about her, then they brought her to their family doctor. The Doctor examined her thoroughly but couldn’t see what made her sick and he told her brother’s friend about it and it might be psychological depression. Her brother’s friend analyzed that it might be all about the ball pen she is staring always. He got it from her and went to me, as if he looked like a volcano about to erupt when he showed me that pen and then asked me if I know Rehana and I disguised about it. But he returned that pen to me and warned me not to do it again. And the most painful part was when he told me Rehana gave it back to you because she doesn’t love you anymore. I felt like a knife through my heart, a searing pain. I thought it would kill me. And when I recovered on my own senses I managed to sneaked out to talk to Rehana and I’ve known that her brother’s friend forced her to give that pen to him. And she said that she will never forget and fall out of love on me because I’m her first love and first love never dies. A time for her to go to college and we decided to meet twice a month, every 3rd and 19th of the month which obviously what does it meant to us, our birth date. We promised that even in the midst of hurricane, and flood that no one can stop us by seeing each other and we made my office (Synthen Forest Ltd.) as our rendezvous. The most awaited day come made us even more precious, we didn’t waste a single moment, but talked about everything, shared many thoughts as we could in a short time we had, and kept ourselves focused on the present rather than the future. I gave day off to my assistant on those dates so that I could share that day alone with Rehana but it seemed that girl my assistant has a secret admiration for me and got jealous every time when my life came to office and one day she told Yasmeen her younger sister who happened to be my first love. I got infatuated with her way back years but she doesn’t love me. I courted her, pleaded and even begged for her love, I wanted her desperately that time but the more I pursued her the more she was aloof to me. My struggle to juggle wooing on her were all waste of energy. It's no use crying over spilled milk on her and never regrets either. Maybe that was God’s plan also that's why I have Rehana in my life. But she (Yasmeen) came for the first time in the office that Rehana is with me, she was suffused with rage, jealousy and frustration the way she looked at us particularly on me then she went back. When she left, tears poured on Rehana’s cheeks and asked me why she came by. I told her everything we don’t have any communication at all anymore and maybe her sister (my assistant) told her about us and came to see how happy and contented I am with you that I had move on in my life without her existence. After 20 minutes I pacified my life and she was calm when we go on talking. I was so scared because i did wrong- an incident happened in my office. Its all about the janitress in our office she's very young, (16 y.o) sexy and attractive which i think she seduced me because she don't mind that her figure is already attracting me and it makes my crotch so fit. I got really horny and i was lost thats why i called her to be on my side and i started to caress her but she looked at me and asked me, you love Rehana?, that makes my senses in good shaped and rebuffed my own overtures. She became sad. I was saved by her question not to do wrong things. But what makes me so worried if the girl will tell Rehana when she will come to the office I even seek my friends advised because i can't eat anymore. My conscience really eats me. They told me if i really love Rehana then i owed her an explanation. I wrote letter to Rehana about it, It was April 01 she replied that she will leave me. I lay awake for a long time that night, thinking about what she wrote, with a heavy heart i doze off to sleep. Her birthday came, April 3 (1999) which is also our scheduled meeting - in our office. I was so depressed because she didn't come on time. I was worried already that she might not give me a chance to tell her personally what had happened between the janitress and me and she might really mean that she's going to leave me for good. Thanks, At last she came- better late than never. With beaming face she asked me "How was my April Fool". Gotcha! Then she asked me what really happened and i told her everything and by surprised she took off her dupatta(head Scarf) and said you can do whatever you wanted to do with me. Keeping limitations in my mind That's the first time we went on pettings and on the succeeding meeting .Time passed by and one time she went with her friend who was going to have a date with her boyfriend I saw her on the road talking with the guy and I was so furious and jealous with her. I warned her already that I don’t want her to think, talk and to meet any guy aside from me. But she did it and that caused me excruciating pain. It was terrible reason to leave someone I loved but it would only complicate things if I still hold her because trust is broken and everything was gone sour already after that. We drifted apart eventually. Within three (03) years we don’t see each other and no communication at all. My behavior changed so radically since I left Rehana. I went wild, I am flirting a lot of girls, i had innumerable girlfriends and two was working in GM and Sons I got all what I have supposed to experience with girls. It's like I'm a serial womanizer but deep inside my heart and soul I was not happy. I am still longing for my Life, Rehana. I missed her terribly. Three (03) years sped by easily, one day; we bumped into each other along the road with her sister. She looked very ill and she lost so much weight. I wanted to rip my heart out for her. It crossed my mind that some very intense emotional pain must have been caused of it, a failed love affair or broken heart- it was all because of me. I was glad our paths has crossed again. Maybe it was destiny. I sent her messages to convey her that we really need to talk. We met somewhere else and she explained every inch while sobbing and she promised me that she will never do it again and she is willing to accept whatever i wanted her to be. Rehana and I are back into each other arms again. We are holding hands as we leave the place along the way, The year 2003 was a hard time for us because we seldom see each other because she already graduated from college, the only consolation is that when her brother got phone connection at home. We fine a way to bridge time by communication she called me at the office with her eldesr sister presence (The first dialled number from that phone is my number). Her sister is our accomplice. She is not against of our relationship because she knew me. Rehana and I meet once a year from 2003 to 2006. I was adamant her not working and she accepted that because i explained to her what's my reason. She knows i'm really a jealous and possessive person. I don't want her to expose herself to others because i know she had the kind of rare looks that made men catch fire as they looked at her.There was a quiet strength and humility about her that only made her more attractive. We compromised things to be like that and she's willing. We met on my birthday May 19, 2006. and I told her that I'm going to work abroad, the next day, May 20, 2006 i left for Kabul, Afghanistan. Living far away from Rehana can be tough and damn lonely and makes me depressed immeasurably. After six (06) months staying at Kabul she called me for the first time and we've talked a lot. I was always waiting for her to call me because that was also the time they transferred to a new house and they dont have yet a phone connection. She used to call me every three (3) months then. Being far with each other is not the hindrance for our happiness and the love we shared grows more. A life without Rehana is unimaginable, unthinkable and unbearable. Another vacation came, Oct 2007 Rehana and I met on the same place where i met her the first time. It was the youngest daughter of that family's wedding. A lot of visitors were there. She was with her mother that time too. I greeted her mother and we exchanged conversation. She got impressed with my achievements in life. A chance was given to me when her mother asked me to drive her home (REHANA). At her mother presence she was seated at the backseat of my car but after a kilometer away i told my sister that they will swap position. When she's beside me i started to tell her that now is the right time for her to tell her parents about me. I said to her that if you're really sure what you feel for me and if you want to settle with me for the rest of your life that would make me the happiest man on earth and be my wife. Maybe this is the right time to let them know. I am already financially stable and i already proved myself of something beyond my achievements. i had already achieved most of my goals. She asked for one week to prepare herself for the confrontation with her family. In ten (10) days time i received a call from her with her sister presence that I should send my Mom at 2 pm to their house and tell her parents that mom needs her for me. We were at the construction site of our new home and Mom is with me so i asked her to talk to Rehana on phone. And she permitted Mom to come to their house. I called my closest uncle from mother side, Uncle Shahzada Nazir to accompany my mother to go to Rehana's house. He already knew about us, that we love each other so much. I called him because my Dad can't go with Mom because he is sick (bedridden). It was October 25, 2007 at 3:30 pm when Mom and Uncle went to Rehana's house but to their amazement Rehana's Family know about the coming of my Mom and Uncle. Nevertheless they accepted my representatives and they asked for some days to think it over about the shocking revelation. My uncle told them that I'm going back to Kabul on the 10th November. After three (03) days i got call from rehana's sister she informed me that we will formally ask Rehana's hands to her parents on 5th of November 2007. I immediately prepared the jewelry that im going to give her on our engagement party. We are officially betrothed that day. The long awaited day November 5, 2007- Finally, Rehana became is my fiancee'. I knew with certainty that nothing could ever take her from me anymore. We're both happy. I must admit it hasn't been all roses for us we were anxious at first about the reaction of her parents but in the end, it's our love and faith that get us through. Thanks to God.
I wonder how she convinced her family -until later on i knew everything that was after the wedding we both attended. I brought Rehana to my new house along with my sister and cousin before i dropped her on to their doorstep. After two (2) days she went to her uncle's house and let her Aunt knew that she has a boyfriend and she only wanted to settle for the rest of her life with him. There's a series of question and answer portion. Her aunt asked what i am and she also told her everything about me. She even asked me the detailed on my work and gave it to her aunt. Upon reading it all her aunt let her uncle read it also and he was amazed because he never expected that Rehana can do it in all those years. He acted as though Rehana committed an unpardonable transgression against the family. But his wife let him understand and beside Rehana and I has come to our right age. Like her uncle her family condemned Rehana. The beating seemed to take all the wind out of her, all the life out of her soul and tears filled her eyes when she looked up to her family and said, Im sorry but they seemed Rehana drive them crazy because she was hiding all of this (our relationship) to them. That was too high a price to pay for our love. She really supported me in every way she could. Rehana went to her uncle's house and lived there but she went on hunger strike (no foods intake) for five days also. It was kind of courage and thoughtful and appreciative deed she made for our love. Thanks to her sister to be around to help her and support her everytime. Her sister pleaded to their parents to understand and support Rehana and she soften their hearts and she called Rehana to be back home. It was also the time she called me to send my mom to her home. Rehana made a remarkable recovery after her parents forgave and understand her that they let her daughter to be happy with me for the rest of her life.
After our engagement party, we spent together my ample days from vacation because November 10 is my departure for Kabul again. I gave her a cellphone and we always keep our lines of communication open because I couldn't sleep without hearing the sweet voice of my life every night and it will last for 3 to 5 hours. Distance is not the hindrance for us to be happy with the help of modern technology. It makes life easier and faster.
Now that I'm working with the Es-ko, i call my life every night and we talk longer as we had the previous years because i'm using free call on internet except when our net connection is not good I have hard time to contact her but i tried my very best not to upset her of not calling her religiously every night. Internet connection problem is beyond my control and i let her understand it. As our wedding is fast approaching we are aching each other's attention especially my life, she wants my eyes, my ears, my time, my attention, my presence, my focus- to sum it up- my TIME but because i work abroad all i can do for her is to call her as soon as im freed from all my responsibilities at work. Im giving her the portion of my life by calling her until in the wee hours that most of us are sleeping but i dont have regrets of doing so. I want her to feel how i give importance and value our relationship. I love her dearly. I thought of her constantly: in every thing i do. I could not stop thinking of her. I often talked to myself about her and thought about all things i loved about her. This helped me close to Rehana even though i worked several hundred miles apart.
I'm now enjoying being engaged. It adds a weight to the relationship. May 16th ,2009 is the date chosen for a very joyous occasion-Our Wedding!!!!!!!!
April 28, 2009
We spent 2 hours or more on phone almost every night because we are discussing details in our wedding. Two more days here im leaving- for home and i could see my family, friends and especialy my life Rehana. I'm so excited to see her in person again.
June 27, 2012
On May 1, 2009 was my scheduled flight back to my home place Srinagar. (Kabul-New Delhi-Srinagar flights) I am very excited for my upcoming wedding but there's still a lot of preparation to make before the big event of my life. All my relatives were there ready to offer their helping hands for the said event.
I need some personal things to do - so; I invited my Mom, Sis and brother for a shopping because they needed it too for the wedding. I am happy doing it and thinking all was set. May 15, 2009 was my Mehndi -ki-raat. It's our traditional customs as Kashmiris were the groom and bride intricate beautiful designs in their feet and hands that consist of henna paste made by mehndi expert. It is very significant to us because both our relatives, friends and schoolmates were there to celebrate with us the joy and happiness and to exude the excitement. It's a cocktail party to us. We enjoyed a lot on this day.
The next morning, May 16, 2009 was my wedding day. I told Rehana that now; I can say that I'm the luckiest man on earth because you chose me as your husband and an addition to your family. I promise to love you and cherish you for the rest of my life.
Our honeymoon was postponed due to girl circumstances of a period and on the same night small arguments begun. On my birthday, May 19 it's our big night now. On the 16th day of being together we went to New Delhi along with my whole family. First thing is, I need to process her visa so she could go with me at Kabul, Afghanistan where I have worked and second thing is , to have a pleasure trip/tour with my whole family.
When we were at Kabul there was an instance that I was talking with my English mentor on chat and she asked me who is this girl is, I told her that she's my English teacher, because mentor was sexy & attractive, the suspicious begun and fight with me again and again and she won't listen to my explanation. She always shouts and it surprised me of her behavior it's beyond my expectation from her even our neighbors are already listening and I'm ashamed of it. I thought she could behave properly because we are in foreign land. We don't have any relatives in that place. We've moved out to our rented place 3 times because of her behavior. She shouts every time we argued and it irked me so much that I hurt her which I don't want to do it with her because I love her so much. She excessively doing what is not right that's the reason I hit her.
I got an offer from an international company and they gave us a hotel accommodation, in that place she also instigated me to hit her again. I don't have a peace of mind. When my vacation period came, we went home to our mother land and decided to leave her at our home with my parents. We had lots of arguments here too because she really wants to go with me at Kabul again. She said if I can't bring her along she will stay at her parent's home. She doesn't want to live with my sister and my mother. My Mom really witnessed what's the real character of my beloved wife. Then, mom heard that she used to be like that even at her own home-. She's a fighter in her own way. She always fight/argued with her brother's wife which results to a divorce.
When I got married with my most beloved wife my life is like a hell. No peace of mind. We always clashed even in small things.
My vacation ended, I decided to leave her at home And her mother came and asked that she will live at my home for 15 days and go to her parent's home for another 15 days at first I'm hesitant for that set-up but Mom agreed to it. Then, I went back to my work at Kabul, Afghanistan. Our communication still goes on because I left with her my other laptop and I provided internet connection before I left for work. We are online most of the time she's at home and I'm at Kabul working, that's our life until another vacation came and I went home. She asked me again that I will take her with me at Kabul and she promised not to fight with me anymore. I agreed, in the sense that I miss her and I love her very much and we need to have a bundle of joy in our lives. A child is very important to me. We really need to be together.
Time comes that I went back to where I worked. I asked my company to stay in Kabul on my own and I'll be working online and it was granted. I asked help from a friend who is a bona fide resident of Afghanistan and he gave us accommodation. After few months my friend going to marry for the second time and it makes my wife uneasy. She used to tell me that I will not stay close to my friend. I told her that he is a friend and it doesn't mean that I will follow his footstep. She's afraid I will marry again too she's very possessive until argument sparks again and again. I told her or I let her understand that this friend of mine gave us all the home facilities which other can't do it. One day, my company representative told me to come in person at the office because we have meetings. The owner of the house/my friend asked if he could come with me at the office because he wanted me to introduce him to the company because he needs work too. As my wife knew about it she panicked because my friend and I will go to the office together despite of her interference we continued to go to the office. At home, she made drama and said she will cut her veins if I can't go back then my friend called her would be 2nd wife to visit our room so that Rehana had someone to talk to and she still insists to call me back and the wife of my friend gave her an advise -"let your husband work, you both went here to earn so let him do his duties" but my wife absorbed the advised from one ear and let it out the other ear. As I was at the office I'm also can't concentrate because I thought of her too. As soon as the meeting was adjourned we left the office and went back directly to our home. My friend went with me at our room because his would be wife was also there with Rehana. He told her wife to tell Rehana if her bragging attitude will continue he will not give or extends his help to us. Our accommodation will be forfeited. I was really fed up of her. She doesn't have any consideration; she's a brat because I pamper her with my love and care. She knew how much I love her-for seventeen years of being a girlfriend I thought I knew her well.
Another vacation time came. We went home and we also visit a doctor for the series test why she's still not pregnant. And I have my semen analysis test and I got lower percentage motility so I need to increase that. My works with my company at Kabul continues through online. I got an offer to do my job online from my home but they asked me to reduce my salary grade. Without any second thought I accepted the offer it's a great opportunity to be working at home and my family is within my reach. It gave me hope to have a baby in that span of time, my wife and I being together at home.
That time my mom was in Mecca, Saudi Arabia for Hajj and we are expecting her to come home Dec. 19 where Rehana also purported her sickness, maybe to avoid household chores. My sister & I fetched Mom from the airport and our relatives are at home to welcome my Mother. I asked Rehana to be with us as a respect to my relatives and Mom too; despite of my earnest appeal to her she slept the whole day.
On the fourth day, Dec. 23 Rehana had a drama again of being sick and I asked her why she's sleeping but she started the scuffle which she received a slap of my slipper because I wanted her to stop it, a lot of people already heard her shouting. I was already furious of her brawling habit. She used to that even I'm in the office or at home that's why my patience was exhausted and I've lost control and that the reason I beat her. Rehana called her mother on phone and 10-15 minutes she arrived and rescued her daughter by shouting at us. My brother got angry also because they behaved scandalously and he shoo them away. It irked me also - I can't imagine Rehana's behavior way back I thought she's a refined woman. You really can't fathom the real character of a person unless you will live together in one roof. That's the big lesson I've learned from my married life. After 15 days my uncle called me and asked the mobile number of Rehana's brother. My uncle called her brother and he said that I have a bad habit that's why we recourse into this situation. Uncle told him also that I don't have bad habit and they discussed about it and they will give us the chance to talk about the problem and how to resolve it. It was Sunday the schedule of our Forum. Rehana and I had already a conversation prior to the meeting she called me on phone. It was discussed in our forum that I will get Rehana again after 2 days and bring her back to our home and it was followed but attitude is attitude you can't get it from her. She went back to her old habit - there's no peace again I'm my home; we always have arguments and nags me everyday of my life. I endured all her whims because I love her so much. Love will always prevail but I can't promise until when I can suppress her being a brat.
April 3, 2011 it's her natal day and as a gift to her I began to build our love nest (our own home) that day. The ground breaking was started and a small party was organized for my relatives, her parents and some invited guest. It was a rainy day but all was happy especially my wife. But untoward incident happened to her; she fell down but didn't hear any complaint from her. She works as usual as if nothing happens to her. The problem arises when her Mom arrived and my aunt told her what happened to Rehana earlier that day. There she is, she begun to get sick and complaining of having a back pain and her Mother advised her to consult a doctor and to stop helping the household chores.
Another morning came; she still on bed and said she got back pain. My mother told me to take her to the doctor. When the doctor asked her what she felt and where is the pain she pin points everywhere in her body. The doctor gave prescription for her medicine and we bought it and go home. I told her that you don't have any dread disease so you can stay here with my family and don't sleep the whole day. Rehana is Rehana you can't impose with her.
On April 6, 2011, early morning I told her to get up and act as usual but she shouts on me. My patience was flown away that I beat/hit her again. It's against my will but circumstances made me do it. My mother on rescue she said its ok you can go back to sleep but don't fight again. My Mom's even made her beddings but she called her mother on phone. Within 10-15 minutes her parents arrived. Her Mother keep shouting (No apple tree will bear an orange) and I asked her to be please be quiet and we can discussed it properly without shouting with each other. The father in law told me to get an older person from our locality and give divorce to her, that's the exact word uttered by her father. I went to the mosque and I brought an older person. While I was away, she and her mom had arguments with my mom but when I arrived I saw Rehana grabbed the hair of my mother in front of her parents. I am absolutely disgusted to what they did to my Mother. Of all people my wife did that to my Mother? She exacerbated our situation.
Five (5) days after that incident, I received a call from a Women desk Police Station she said that my wife had a blotter report for me. I told immediately my uncle about the call because we were together at that time at the court. We went to an advocate and we made a bail bond (anticipated Bail). After three (3) days I got a call from home - they told me that there are two policemen looking for me- so I went home and showed them the anticipated bail that we made the previous days. They read my document and said they can't arrest me but asked me to visit the police station after two days so that we will meet face to face with my wife. SHO (head of the Police Station-Women desk division) asked me why I wanted to leave my wife I replied that it never occurred in my mind to leave her because I love her so much but she herself wants to leave me. SHO asked another question about the jewelry but I told her that it was with my wife.
Two days after, I took my uncle Shehzada Nazir with me at the Police station. He is my guardian; he helps me, loves me and cares for me as his own son that's why I always consulted everything to him. My wife was accompanied by her Mother and Brother at the Police Station. My uncle had a conversation with another Police officer when her brother started to squabble over my Uncle. I was also in front of my wife and Mother-in-law. The latter was so angry with me that she just lashed out against me and to depend myself I uttered tough words to her mother which I'm not supposed to do on her mother.
It was the time SHO called us to discuss everything. I told SHO that I needed my wife but because of what she did to my Mother, she doesn't like her at home with us. I let SHO know that my wife and her mother is a well known of their behavior of scuffling with neighborhood. So, how could I let her stay with my Mom's Home? All I want from her is, she must also respect my family especially my Mom, and they must shared the household chores. That meeting was adjourned without any good result, we both went home. Within four months we used to personally appear at the Police Station for some inquisitions. One day, we met again at the Police Station. SHO asked her if she will come with me, she replied that she needed the jewelries. You mean you don't want to go with your husband with out the jewelries? SHO said. She answered no. Then the Police officer told us to go home and reminded us that a Formal complaint will be forwarded to the Court because amicable settlement was not settled. For me, it's the best solution that we will go on court but one police advised them that whenever Formal complaint will be in the court there's a tendency that I can marry another girl but she cannot marry again. They have a second thought of filing FIR on court because of the obvious reason. While SHO went to somewhere else, Uncle and I went outside and discuss on something and told uncle that I still love Rehana and I want her back in my life. I want to lay my conditions on her and if she will agree then she can come with me at home but my uncle disagrees with my plans. As you know me before hand that I always fight for what I thought is right for me. (Hard headed) I went inside again and found Rehana & her mother still there asking police men what I wants. I hold Rehana hand and took her with me outside- she was surprised that I took her hand after a long time. I said to her that I want her back as long as she will not commit mistakes again like what she did to my Mom and to me. And first and foremost I want her to eradicate her pride and ask forgiveness to my Mom so that they will start anew. I was not rushing her to answer, I gave her time to think it over and I told her whenever she can make decision of her own to be with me she can call me and I will accept her with both arms.
I remembered that when we are at the Police station, when Rehana asked her jewelries I also told SHO that I already sold half of it for business purposes. I told them that I newly bought an office at Habba Kadal and if she wants we will be a business partner at the same time. She wants to be sure of what I said and she let her uncle to check on that venue. Her uncle then visited the office at Habba Kadal and I have a chance to ask them if they want their niece to come home with me, they answered YES. In two days' time, Rehana went to her uncle's home to asks for the developments of the office and maybe she's happy of the result- from there she called me and ask me to fetch her because she's ready to come home with me. I told her to get her luggage and other things at their home then I will get her at her uncle's home. Instead of going home herself she sent her uncle to get everything for her. When I parked my car outside her uncle's gate she was already ready to hop in. I also called my uncle to come at our home to help my mother understand the decision I made though I already let my Mom knew my undertakings. When we reached our home she fell on her knees as a signed of asking forgiveness to my Mom but I saw on my mother's face her resistance at first but later on she said to Rehana that she won't do it again and forgiveness was given to her. ALL is well then.
All was going smoothly in our home. She helps the household chores and behaves as well. One condition we had is no family members of her are allowed to visit our home except her uncle. Every fifteen (15) days her uncle visited us to see if everything with us is ok. No problem occurred. This was the perfect time to tackle our own family and to bear our own fruits of love. We went to a doctor to have a series of test luckily my motility went up to 60% and the doctor is satisfied with the result but on Rehana's Follicular test they found a problem and advised Rehana needs a laparoscopy and Doc said you need to save money for it cost a lot without a second thought I agreed on it because I need a baby and money can be found when you work harder on it. The Doctor gave us time to think about it then we went home and discussed the result with my family and my Mom agreed on it too because money is not the problem. She also went to her uncle's home and discussed it with their family too and they said if your husband is ready to spend for it why not pursues it. So, Rehana went home to us and said that she agree with the procedure. The next appointment with the doctor they discussed about it and they set the time of the Laparoscopic surgery and it falls on the 20th of December 2011. The laparoscopy was successful but she needs to stay at the hospital for the complete recovery. I watched over her at the hospital though everyone wanted to stay too but only one watcher is allowed there. My relatives and her uncles and their wives also visited her on the next day. When Rehana was discharged from the Hospital she was supposed to go with her uncle's home as agreed before but her uncle said he talked to her parents about Rehana's situation and they are willing to forgive and take care of Rehana's while recuperating. She stayed there for 25 days and I gave her the allowances she needed. The time of her to come back at our home came and we've noticed that she was changed in terms of her behavior-an old Rehana came back. She's an irritable person. Maybe this is not due to her laparoscopic surgery but because of what she is.
Keep Posted......!!!!!!
January 09, 2013
Happy New Year Everyone! I'm back.
As I've told you above that her natural behavior came back- yes it's true indeed. I tried to understand that kind of character of hers for 3 months because I really wanted to keep our relationship intact and one thing is I really love her. She is really fickle minded- and I'm just human that there's a limitation of my patience. Though I understand that she's upset of not conceiving after that surgery- I also assured her even we don't have a child it will be fine if that's God's plan. What bother her most is when we don't have our own child I'll find another woman to marry. Someone was inculcating those thoughts on her that's the reason why she's irritable.
April 1, 2011- She's faking again an illness to get out of work or to get my attention because she saw and heard that I gave my Mom the remaining amount from my business that gone bankrupt but I never mind it. The next day she told me to bring her to the Clinic for her check-up because she's having back pain, I told her I'll get medicine for it but she insisted for check-up as the clinic will open around 6pm I told her we will go there at 5:30pm and she said she will sleep while waiting for the schedule. At 4pm I told my Mother about her situation - and I said that it's like a drama again but Mom told me she might be really in pain so bring her to the doctor. Unfortunately, she heard me telling my mother about it- she got up and demanded to bring her to the doctor at that moment- I said to her it's one hour to go yet, she asked me you want to go with me or not or else I'll go alone? I answered her go if you want- it really pissed me off. She went out with motion of anger and she told my Mom she will go to the doctor with that kind of attitude which I really don't like her to do that. After 10 minutes I got a call from her, she's telling me to go with her but I answered her I will not go with her anymore- she's just somewhere outside, by and by she came back and told my mother she forgot something. At 5:15 pm she said its time for us to go to the doctor but I asked her if she got money with her because as of now I don't have a penny because of bankruptcy she replied "Don't you have even 100 rupees?" and I said I don't have but if you have then I'll take you to the doctor, she said she got with her the money. So we decided to go but before we went outside the house my Mom told her to buy fruits I'll just pay you here and she didn't object from it. We reached the clinic on time, after the Doctor examined her, she gave prescription for the medicine which is the same thing I told her at home but didn't bother what I've told her. I asked her the money to buy for her medicine but she answered me " I don't have the money" What? I asked and told her that I know she has money on her purse but she only said that she got my ATM so we will just withdraw from it and I insisted that she will give me her money first so that we can buy her medicine but we already had an arguments about it, Suddenly she punched me on my lips and blood came out it hurts so out of control I slapped her face too, it became red. I drove my car home as fast as I could and she was at raged that she uttered bad words towards me and that's the time she told me that I gave my mom the money for my sister but she asked what was I kept for her? That's the whole thing that makes her exasperated. When we are about at home, she said here's the Rs100 get it and buy me the medicine. I asked her why you didn't give it to me when we are still there - now I don't go back. My love for her always prevails- so I U-turn to go to the pharmacy but unluckily it was already closed but along the way her uncle called her she answered only to call her later and I asked her phone to prevent her to tell everything to her family because she used to that which I really don't like it - it is our own domestic problem. She kept her mobile that sparks our arguments again. Then when we got home she called her uncle to come in our home. When we entered our house my Mom and sister was there and they asked why my lips are bleeding? Then I told them everything and that's the time she called my uncle and my mom also asked me to call her uncle too to settle things. I asked her again to give her phone to me , she refused and made me snatched her phone from her and then we are physically fighting each other where my mom and sister tried to mediate us. My sister brought her to the next room but she bites the hands of my sister. I did another thing which I regretted after the incident-I beat her.
Our uncles arrived the same time. I told her uncle that I don't need her anymore I want separation from her. She has a despicable behavior even my Mom she doesn't respect at all. I told them that I will give anything for her just take her home. Her uncle said that I will have penalty for that decision and I said so be it I'm ready to take all the consequences for that. She was so furious that she uttered again bad words towards me and my Mom in front of her uncle and my uncle- She's really unsophisticated.
Her uncle took her away while I took my sister to the nearest hospital because her hand is bleeding and I'm afraid she might get rabies. The next day, April 3- her birthday, her uncle called us and asked my uncle what to do now and my uncle replied to him that they need to be separated because this relationship will not prosper, it's been so many times she made this act. Her uncle told that where she's going to because she can't go back to her parent's home. Uncle told them that if she's having a good attitude this will not happened to her. They said we will finalize the separation and whatever due to her I will give her just to cut the ties. I will give her the jewelries she wanted but my uncle said I don't have to because when she enters into our family only her clothes she brought to us. So I let my uncle handle all this things.
It is like a court where my uncle scheduled the date for discussions over the matter of our separation. Her uncle got two (2) more arbiters to defend her, all was her uncle and my uncle got his too, it's his friends who will defend me. The dealings begun, from my side wants a separation while on their part was the penalty and the jewelries. They said I want the separation so it has to be dictated/ or my responsibility to pay the penalties and the jewelries to her but my arbiters said whatever she brought from that house she can take it all but no jewelries besides she's the one who disobeyed the relationship. She's violent person. It took months but they never come up to any decision because my uncle set the date after date. I told my arbiters that I will give her the jewelries which I bought for her during our wedding as long as they will agree for our separation. Justice delayed, justice denied because they don't want it-they want more from me- so arguments continues.
At that time, I was also trying to find job back to Afghanistan or Middle East. Luckily, one of the companies I sent my resume replied but I was also concern about her- what will happen to us and the arguments still on process. One day, I told my arbiters to give 50-50 on the jewelries and I laid those cards to them on the meeting whom I attended myself and her uncles accepted that proposal in favor of me which is the separation. I asked them to bring her on the agreed date for signing the documents which stated our final separation and after that we are no more husband and wife. On July 5, 2011 as agreed to meet, our documents are ready for signing and I'm wondering if she will really sign it because I will not sign it first. When they came she was not with them- they just came to know what are we going to do but after they saw the stamp documents they were shocked and made some excuses not to talk about it but I argued with them because they don't do their obligations as what we agreed to our previous meeting.
July 15, 2011 was my scheduled for Afghanistan, one day they called one of our representatives/ arbiters to come to their place which they have added another arbiter which made them 4 in all. My ticket and visa was also delayed and its July 25 already it made me thinks if they really want me to be in their Company. It made me double tensions because our arguments about separation were not yet settled plus the company don't have message yet. On the 26th day of July I got a call at 6am from the company they said I will check my emails. When I browsed it I found my visa and ticket on the 30th bound for Srinagar to Dubai, and on the 31st Dubai to Kandahar Air Force (KAF). I have 3 days left so I told my uncle that I got now the ticket for my job and he said I will go to do my job.
On the 27th July, they called our arbiter and the 4th arbiter from them told that they wanted 100% from us. They wanted to go to masjid (Mosque) before they will go to a higher court and from my side said we will do whatever they wanted to do.
On the 30th of July I left for Dubai and arrive KAF on the 31st. I got a chance to be online at home on the 1st day of August and my sister was shivering so I asked her what happened? She said Masjid committee sent you notice- stating that you throw your wife out and they need your personal appearance on Sunday. Be calm-why are you so worried, tell uncle about it all. I also told my sister that they went to Masjid because when they process it to the higher court- the more it takes time and I got the chance to win over them. My uncle went to Masjid that Sunday and told the committee that I was out of country for my work- it made them more annoyed because it will be delayed again. The committee chairman asked my uncle if I gave him the authority to execute such things but uncle replied that there's no SPA (special power of attorney) was given to me. Committee chairman asked uncle to pay for the monthly charges for her but uncle denied it because he needs to talk to me for that. So, chairman said they need to wait until I will come back-for now no decision will be made. Uncle also told them my job contract is six (6) months rotation leave (R&R) but actually it is every three (3) months - they will wait that long made them more anxious.
My work going smoothly until 2nd of September that I felt rectal pain and I went to ANA (Afghan National Army) hospital for check-up and they found out that I need surgery for hemorrhoids. I got a referral from my doctor and I showed it to my project manager and he called our supplier for the medicine and I took it for 2 weeks but the pain didn't subside. On Oct 1st, the more pains I felt and I told my project manager about it and he asked if I could managed or not anymore- I said it really hurts so he talked to his superior about my concern and said I can go home but I don't want to get home I asked if I can get medication or surgery at KAF (it's American base) or in Dubai but he explained that it is so expensive if I do that rather than in my home base. My sick leave was approved and on Oct 3rd I left Delaram to KAF and on the 4thOct KAF to Dubai and the same day Dubai to India and Srinagar on the 5th I arrived home at 2:30 pm and Uncle fetched me at the airport. I just left my luggage at home and went straight to the Hospital but they said I will come back the next day.
On the 6th day of October, we went back to the Hospital but they only prescribed me the ointment/ cream which I already did in Delaram but still no effect and I told them that I really need the surgery but they just replied that after 1 week of taking that cream they can decide what to do. We went out and I told my uncle to go to the private hospitals - at the private hospital we got an appointment at 4 pm as it was still 11 am -so we just got home and prepared things and went back again at 4 in the afternoon. As soon the doctor checked he said I really need surgery. Bingo! I decided to do it that time but the doctor said come back tomorrow at 8:30am sharp and don't eat anything for a series of laboratory test and prescribed me medicine to take that night. The next day- 7th Oct I woke up early to visit Masjid for my prayers and there I met the committee chairman and I told him the reason why I came home earlier than expected. He said we need to finalize the things that were left behind after you went abroad for work. I told him to come to the hospital and we will decide there because I have only limited time to stay home. We both smiled and I went to the hospital and the Doctor start the surgery at 11 am after all the necessary lab test. The Operation took for 30 minutes and after that they sent me to the ICU because my half body still numbed. I recovered around 11 pm which I also felt the pain on my rectal part. It's like I'm going to die for that pain. On the 8th day of October at 6pm I was discharged and advised me to take warm water and some medication. I felt the pain until Oct 11- the same day I told my uncle to call the masjid committee chairman so that we could finalize things between me and Rehana and I asked the other party they should come with her. On the 12thOct, we meet at the committee chairman's home and I never saw her maybe she was at the other room with her mother. My uncle told them to call her also so that we can start...there she is...after six months I saw her very simple and no make up at all. The discussion began and chairman asked me what happened and I told him everything very detailed and they accepted that I'm in the right path but chairman stopped me and asked me if everything will come into places what you wanted her to do? Will you accept her back? I told them that I will get her back if she will agree what will I say and respect my Family. Then chairman asked her "Are you willing to go back with him" she replied "yes, I am. - The problem was solved.
I was specific to her that when I am out of the country, where I want her to live she we live by my family and she accepted all the terms I asked for. One thing is I brought out documents stating that I will give the 5 lac jewelries to her only but her family is so greedy that they wanted the whole 20 lac will be given to her. I told them I don't have that much now it was lost when I got my business into bankruptcy.
It was three hours of deliberations but in the middle of it I hold her hands and dragged her out of that room and his uncle meddled on us and said you cannot take her-but my arbiters said why he can't take her he is the lawful husband and the committee chairman allowed him. He has all the right to take her. I left her hand and arguments continued for hours. We both don't agree on each other demands and it makes more complicated. I finally laid an option that I will give them the whole 5 lac jewelry the next day in exchange of my freedom from her - they were all shock with the decision. The committee chairman wants to save our marriage and conveyed both parties to agree that I will bring only the 2 lac jewelries on Saturday then Rehana can be with me on the same day. We are supposed to meet Saturday but there's no Rehana appeared only her uncle's as arbiters came to see me and they said they need all the jewelries so I said ok but give me the pre- signed separation paper from her on the spot. The chairman gave his final decision that I will bring the 5 lac jewelries and put it on the bank deposit boxes with both our names in there and no one can get or open the locker without the presence of the other party. I told them I have 7 days left for me to decide that's the reason why it was decided in the committee but all my conditions were stated that she has to accept in which she said yes she will accept.
It was Wednesday when Rehana and I went to the bank to deposit our jewelries, she was seated on the front seat with me and the magical feelings were back again as soon as I hold her hands. I took 2 sets of jewelries and told her uncle that I will let her used it at home and I will give it to her tonight when she go home with me. They don't still trust me that I will give that jewelries, I told them I will give her tonight and the committee chairman said invite him to come over to your house with her family tonight so that things will be fixed. At night, her uncle went to our home and I went with him at her house and I got a special treatment from her family. As I came from surgery I was advised of soft diet and white meat only so I only ate chicken and the rest they packed it for her. We stayed together at my home and plan for our remaining vacation to Gulmarg.
On October 20-23 we spent that day at Gulmarg as if we are newly married. After that we came home and stayed there normally. She asked forgiveness to my mom and sister the first day we were together. I watched over her and hoping we will not be separated again and live happily ever after. Inshallah!
Our Eid was October 30, 2012but a day before I got already the ticket to go back to my job and she accepted that she will be left behind with my Mom and sister. I am online with them everyday and she is calm now as she is waiting for me to come back.
Keep Posted......!!!!!!
Momentous dates for both of us
Those are :
2nd Nov,
22 Jan,
3rd April,
19th may
and
15 & 16th may.
